so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
