On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
