I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
