Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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