We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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