he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
