ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
