the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
