I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
