Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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