i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
