I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
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I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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