i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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