Define "chronic" masturbator.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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