i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
