Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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