do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
