life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
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What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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