i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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