I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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