My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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