THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
