I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
