Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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