I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
