Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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