My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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