so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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