I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
