i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
