happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
