I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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