Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Randomize
