I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
