I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
