i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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