my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
