Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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