For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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