Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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