Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
