I could make wine with my vomit
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize