i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
