It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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