she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
