I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
