Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
