I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
