i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You are the jesus of drinking
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
