i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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