Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
