we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
