Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
