i was rollin on her like bob the builder
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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