Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
