My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
