You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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