he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
