dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
