one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
as a side note pls kill me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
