hotel room ftw
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
