If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
