Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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