I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize