I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
