My cat gives me a boner
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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