i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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