i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i believe in u and ur pee
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