She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
