From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
