Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
